Operation: Oblivious Southern Men
by The Sarcastic Typo
Summary: Greg and Sara think up a plan. Their plan works, and then some. NickBobby, GregSara.


**Title:** Operation: Oblivious Southern Men  
**Summary: **Greg and Sara think up a plan. Their plan works, and then some.  
**Pairings:** Nick/Bobby, Greg/Sara  
**Disclaimer:** My name is not Jerry.  
**Rating: **PG-13  
**A/N: **Thanks to Kelly for the beta.

Greg was concerned.

He liked Nick a lot – as a friend, mind you. The man was good looking and all and Greg was _sure _that if he swung that way, Nick would totally be first on his list, but he didn't, so he was not. He blamed Sara for that, really.

But Nick was his friend and so he enjoyed his company. The man was funny, kind, and just all around a good person to be friends with. You never had to worry about him double crossing you or stabbing you in the back. He would always be loyal to the core.

However, he was also just so _clueless_.

Greg was a man of the twenty-first century. Homosexuality didn't bother him – love was love, he thought, so what did it matter? – and it certainly didn't make him think anything less of Nick. The man was just so far in denial it was unreal.

And he _was_ in denial. The whole 'I'm a big, macho Texan who just happens to have this secret sensitive side' shtick? Please. So gay. Greg went through this with another friend of his. He knew the signs.

And even if he hadn't, there was, you know, the way he kept shooting I-want-you-yet-am-too-chicken-to-do-anything-about-it glances at Bobby Dawson when he thought no one was watching.

Greg was about ninety-eight percent sure he had figured this out not even due to his being a CSI so much as his being a sentient, reasonable human being with eyes who had spent about an hour in Nick's company.

You know.

Anyway, back to the point – Greg was concerned. Greg was concerned because Nick was his friend and pining never made anyone happy and Greg wanted Nick to be happy. And the good news was that Bobby Dawson totally shot Nick those same ridiculous glances.

Yet neither of them noticed.

Greg was pretty sure this was why he liked women. They responded better to hints.

In any event, Greg was going to do what it took to get Nick to be happy.

He was such a dedicated friend.

X

Greg pondered the situation as he sipped his coffee. How was he going to pull this off? It was a delicate operation, to be handled with the utmost care.

The direct approach? "Hey, Nick, you like Bobby, Bobby likes you. Get on with the gay sex already." No. That probably was not something that would go over very well. Though seeing Nick's expression might be worth it.

The subtle approach? "So, Nick, I hear someone who may or may not be Georgian and may or may not happen to work in this building in ballistics has a thing for you." Yeah, problem. He was not very good at being subtle.

The matchmaking approach? "Look, Nick, there's a random note for you asking you to be somewhere after shift. You should go. Might be the love of your life." Nah. Nick was finally starting to be suspicious of stuff like that.

It occurred to Greg that the subtle approach was the best idea, but that he was going to need some help with this. That was when Sara happened to walk into the break room. He smiled.

"Sara," he said, smiling sweetly. "Would you like some coffee?"

Sara's eyebrows shot up. He knew this must seem odd – he _never_ offer to share some of his coffee. And he wouldn't be sharing now, but he really needed Sara's help. The things he did for friendship. Nick had better appreciate this sacrifice.

"Sure," she replied cautiously, taking the proffered cup of coffee from Greg's hand. She was looking at him suspiciously, now, probably trying to calculate what, exactly, it was that he wanted. It was almost enough to hurt his feelings, because really, he can be nice without being up to something. Just not in this case. "So, what is it that you want?"

"Just your assistance."

"In...?"

"Getting Nick and Bobby together."

Sara nearly choked on her coffee. "Nick and Bobby? As in, Nick _Stokes_? And Bobby Dawson?"

"Precisely."

"And you think this would work, _why_?"

Greg shot her a look. "Think about it."

It appeared that she did so, because after a moment she broke out into a grin. "Okay, you're right. But why those two?"

"Well, Nick refuses to go into the ballistics lab before he gets pretty."

"He does?"

"He checks himself out in the reflection of the glass, smooths his hair. I'm sure you've seen him do it."

She looked like she was trying to remember for a minute before her eyes widened in what appeared to be realization. "Oh, God. He does." Sara shook her head. "Wow. Nick is very gay, isn't he?"

Greg nodded sagely.

"So what can I help you with?"

"Coming up with a plan. How can we go about getting these two lovebirds together?"

"I'm not the foremost expert on gay romance, Greg."

"I know, but you're devious. That's helpful."

"Devious? I can't imagine why you don't have a girlfriend, Greg, with compliments like 'devious.'" Sara smirked.

"Hey, it's totally a good thing. I bow down to your devious nature."

"Whatever." She rolled her eyes. "We need to think of something."

"Think of something for what?" Nick walked into the room.

"Something to get Greg's mom for her birthday," Sara replied easily, setting down her mug. "I need to get back to work. We can figure this out over breakfast, right Greg?"

"Sure. Thanks for helping me, Sara." He grinned at her as she exited the room.

"What's going on with you two? You still pining over her?" Nick asked with a smirk.

Greg rolled his eyes. "As if you can talk about pining."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Nick frowned.

"Absolutely nothing, Nick. Not a thing." And with that, Greg left.

X

Greg groaned as he entered the ballistics lab. Bobby was playing country music. Ew.

Then it dawned on Greg that this would be a perfect opportunity to start his and Sara's plan. At breakfast the following morning, they had decided to start subtly, slowly showing each guy that they had a lot in common.

It had been a nice breakfast, now that Greg thought about it. He smiled. Maybe this plan had other benefits, too.

"Hey, Bobby. Borrowing CDs from Nick?" he asked.

"Excuse me?"

"The Tim McGraw. I think Nick worships him a little."

Bobby chuckled. "As he well should. Great artist."

"You both are insane."

"No, we both appreciate music that doesn't involve people screamin' at each other."

"Well, where's the fun in that?"

"Oh, I don't know. Being able to understand the lyrics?"

"I can understand the lyrics to my music just fine."

"Sorry. Being able to understand the lyrics without a secret code."

"Very funny." Greg pouted.

"Oh, don't pout."

"You know it's adorable."

Bobby rolled his eyes. "Do I look like Sara to you?"

"Not really. Sara's much prettier."

"Thanks."

"Hey, you asked." Greg grinned. "So, my results?"

X

It was night two of _Operation: Oblivious Southern_ _Men_ as Greg was calling it in his head. He and Sara were carefully placed in the break room, awaiting Nick's arrival, which was due in about five seconds. The man was eerily on schedule, _every day_.

T-minus four seconds. Three seconds. Two seconds. One second.

"So, Bobby was telling me he ran into an ex-boyfriend at the supermarket the other day," Greg mentioned casually to Sara just as Nick walked into the room.

She appeared interested, as though this conversation had not been rehearsed. "Ooh, bet that was awkward."

"Actually, he said he and Stephen get along pretty well now. Better than when they were dating," Greg said, laughing. He noticed Nick was looking at him.

"You okay, Nick?" he asked.

"Oh, yeah. Bobby has an ex-boyfriend?"

"Well, more than one, probably. Why? Is that a problem or something?"

"Oh no. No. Of course not. I just didn't know."

"Really? I thought it was common knowledge that Bobby was gay." Sara looked mildly surprised. She was really a great actress, Greg thought. He should mention that to her.

"Well, I'd heard a rumor, you know. I hadn't asked him myself because it's obviously not my business and I didn't want to assume," Nick said. He coughed, looking incredibly awkward.

Greg smirked. He was _so_ interested.

"Yeah, I can see that." Greg nodded.

"Well, come on, Greg. Break's over. Back to work," Sara said, heading towards the door.

"Slave driver," Greg grumbled good-naturedly. He chanced a glanced at Nick as they left the room. The Texan appeared thoughtful.

_Score_.

X

A couple weeks eventually passed, and slowly, he and Sara informed Nick and Bobby about how they'd really be perfect for each other. They had a lot in common, from thoughts about children, to taste in music, to what they liked to do on their days off. Greg could clearly see that it was winding Nick up, and every time they were together when they went to the ballistics lab, he was increasingly more awkward and flirty. Bobby was harder to read, but he looked to be becoming more responsive as well.

He and Sara were ready to move on to phase two.

"It's something my great-aunt taught me," Greg was explaining to Sara in the break room as he was shuffling a deck of cards. This had been gone over in length at their breakfast the previous day. (The breakfasts had become daily events since they started conspiring together.) "She was a Gypsy. She said you can tell people's fortunes with regular old playing cards."

Nick, of course, arrived right on time and heard this. He raised a skeptical eyebrow. "You really believe in that stuff, G?"

"Maybe. I mean, who knows, right? Here, pick a card. I can give you a small reading," Greg told him, offering the cards. Nick hesitated before picking a card. It was the ten of clubs. Greg knew that the ten of clubs technically meant good luck and success in business, but did Nick? He didn't think so. He decided to spin it a little. "Oooh, that's a good card. Foretells a bit of a romance." He grinned. "You been holding out on me, Nicky?"

Nick rolled his eyes, shifting uncomfortably. "I haven't, so I guess that proves your card theory wrong."

"You never know. Maybe the near future holds something," Sara chimed in.

"You can't tell me _you_, of all people, believe in this stuff?" he asked her incredulously.

"Maybe not, but it doesn't hurt to keep an open mind, right?" She shrugged.

"Yeah, I still don't think I buy it."

"I guess we'll see, won't we?" Greg grinned. Nick looked nervous.

X

Once phase two had been completed, Greg and Sara had talked it over and decided to wait another week to see if the card thing worked at all. When Greg noticed that Nick was even more jumpy around Bobby than usual, he knew it was time for phase three.

"You want to come out to breakfast with me and Sara today, Nick?"

Nick looked up from the crime scene photos he'd been gazing at and shrugged. "Sure. Where do you guys go?"

"Oh, different places. We were thinking Denny's today."

"All right. Sounds good." Nick nodded and went back to work. Greg smiled and hoped that Sara was asking Bobby the same question. They were getting so close to the end. All Bobby and Nick needed, really, was one last push. He was sure of it.

X

"Bobby's here?" Nick asked, and his voice was suspiciously close to a squeak.

"Oh, yeah. I guess Sara must've invited him. You don't mind, do you?" Greg wondered.

"No. I don't mind. I was just surprised," Nick replied.

"Hey guys. I invited Bobby along. Hope that's okay?" she asked, smiling as they approached Nick and Greg.

"The more the merrier!" Greg said, grinning brightly. "Come on. Let's go tell the waitress we're ready to be seated."

X

"Well," Greg said through a yawn, "I'm beat. I think I'm gonna head home."

Sara checked the clock. "Yeah, me too."

"I'm not tired, yet. Are you, Nick?" Bobby asked.

"No, not really," Nick answered.

"So you guys can stay. Here. This should cover me and Sara. We'll see you at work tonight."

"Bye, guys," Bobby called distractedly as they left the table. Greg turned to Sara and smirked.

"It's totally working."

"Yes," Sara said. She was frowning.

"What's wrong?"

"You didn't have to pay for me, you know."

"Oh. Sorry. I didn't even think."

"No, it's okay. I thought it was nice." She smiled.

Greg smiled back. His heart was suddenly pounding faster. That wasn't fair. "Oh," he said. "You know, what kinda sucks about Bobby and Nick getting together is that we won't have an excuse to have breakfast every morning," he admitted.

"They _have_ been fun breakfasts."

"So would you maybe want to keep having them? Without the plotting."

Sara chuckled. "What will we talk about, though?"

"I don't know. I'm sure we could think of _something_." He grinned at her.

"Okay. I like that idea."

Greg couldn't stop smiling for the rest of the way home.

X

For the next week, Greg kept his eye out for any signs that Nick and Bobby had finally realized the obvious and gotten together. Nick had relaxed around Bobby in the lab, and they seemed more casually intimate, but he couldn't be sure. He had almost given up looking for proof when he and Sara had been pulling into the driveway of the Denny's they had eaten at a week ago and caught a glimpse of two very familiar people making out in their car. They grinned at each other and high-fived.

When they got out of Greg's car, though, and the doors shut, they apparently broke both Bobby and Nick out of their reverie because they pulled apart and glanced around. When they noticed who it was, Greg and Sara could barely contain their laughter. Greg certainly hadn't known that people could _turn_ that color red, and he was sure Sara hadn't either.

"Hey, guys," he called, smirking. "You coming in? You can join us, if you want. Or go back to making out. Your choice."

It wasn't until Bobby had gathered his wits about him enough to respond, "At least we're not up against your car in the parking lot of work, Greg," that Sara and Greg stopped laughing and turned a little red themselves.

X

Two weeks had passed since the parking lot incident, and a month had already gone by since the whole card incident, so when Nick walked in, looking at Greg curiously, he was confused. "What's up, Nick?"

"So, Greg," he said slowly, smirking. "I was bored the other day and I looked up playing cards and fortune telling. It turns out that the ten of clubs means business success, not romance. I found that interesting."

Greg froze. Uh-oh. "Well, uh, I must've just confused it with another card."

"You know, I considered that, until Bobby and I were talking last night and we realized how many stories of you and Sara mentioning things to both of us had to do with the other. Care to explain that odd coincidence, Greggo?"

Greg sighed. He was caught. "Okay, okay, you got me. Sara and I plotted to hook you up. But it totally worked! And you guys were pining over each other, it was so ridiculous. I had to do something, and Sara agreed to help me. I mean, I got you a boyfriend. You can't possibly be _mad_, right?"

Nick rolled his eyes. "I'm not mad. I just didn't know you had it in you to be that sneaky and subtle. Sara must be a bad influence on you."

"I happen to think she's a very good influence."

"You would." Nick snorted. "You're just lucky you figured it out on your own, or Bobby and I would've had to intervene. You called us ridiculous? I've never _seen_ any two people more ridiculous."

"Excuse me, but you were way more ridiculous than we were. It was _so_ obvious," Greg huffed. Just then, David Hodges walked into the room, apparently in search of coffee. "Hodges! Good to see you. Can you settle something between Nick and I?"

Hodges looked at Greg warily. "I should really be turning around right now and running away in terror, but I need coffee. What is it?"

"Who was more ridiculous? Nick and Bobby or Sara and I?"

David looked between the two. "You guys were pretty equally oblivious, I have to say. I'd never realized people could be that dense until I'd met you all. But if I had to choose, well, I think the answer is pretty clear."

"Who?" Nick asked.

"Willows and Brown. They're _still_ dancing around each other." David shot them a 'duh' look before getting some coffee and leaving the break room immediately.

Greg tilted his head. "You know, he has a point..."

Nick nodded, thoughtfully. "Yeah," he said. "He does."

Greg just grinned.

-End


End file.
